so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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