of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
