i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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