I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
