i barfeds in our rink
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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