i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
