she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
