All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had sex on a dog bed..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
