So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
