i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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