What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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