i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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