I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
