why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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