The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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