I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
