How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
