Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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