You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
