all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
