wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
