I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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