Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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