We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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