Everything about him screamed your future.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
