He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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