So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
