I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
