I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
