I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
