Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
