dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This toilet bowl is my home.
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