Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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