I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
