Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
