3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
