I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
wow bdsm is so cute
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