Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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