that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
