i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
