Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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