so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
