i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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