i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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