Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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