Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
