Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
