i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
