I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
