Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
