I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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