Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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