last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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