There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
