i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
