I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think people are normalizing furries
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
