I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
