CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
