I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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