I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
