i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
