captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
